


Going Under

by stardropdream



Category: X/1999
Genre: CLAMPkink, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardropdream/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is as close to him as you'll ever be,"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Under

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ August 16, 2010.
> 
> Written with the prompt for Fuuma to appear as Aoki for Karen, and have replacement sex. This fill is totally unkinky, though.

She found him under the tree, or, rather, he found her. She stood, at that child’s grave, holding her cross. It was painful—though that child hadn’t been her own, the death left her feeling empty, lonely, and pained. As if the child had been her own.   
  
She didn’t feel him approach, or even know how long he’d been standing there, beneath the tree under which Kamui’s lost love was buried. He stood, hand pressed against the bark, watching her. For a brief moment, she started, thinking that it was Aoki who was standing there, smiling softly at her, expression fond. Her heart lurched in the way it did when she saw him, not this “Kamui.”   
  
She stiffened up once she recognized who it really was, that child with another man’s face. He smiled at her over the rims of his glasses, one of his hands in the pocket of his long coat. The other rested on the bark but he stepped forward and the hand dropped away. He approached her and she stepped back, on guard, preparing herself for whatever it was he wanted to do. But he merely stood beside her, looking down at the grave of the lost child.  
  
Still on guard, she cupped her hands, prepared to call a kekkai if need be, but he only looked at her out of the corner of his eye and smiled, and Karen wasn’t sure if she was looking too deeply into it, seeing only what he wanted to see, or something else—but the smile was soft, regretful. A smile of mourning. A smile just like Aoki’s.   
  
“What are you doing here?” she asked.  
  
“Kamui” did not answer, but Karen hadn’t really expected him to. He stared at the grave for a long moment before turning away, looking up at the tree with that same expression, far away and hard to place.   
  
She stayed silent   
  
“The final day is coming,” he said, after a length pause. Karen slanted her gaze to him, eyes narrowing. He smiled. “Are you without regrets?”   
  
She puzzled over that question, but she knew that he knew the answer before even asking the question. She stared at the grave for a long moment before pursing her lips together.   
  
She turned to him. “What are your regrets?”   
  
He raised his eyebrows, a comically shocked expression. He was mimicking Aoki but she did not care, the way her heart ached was too painful to be false.   
  
“Me?” he asked, and there was a glint in his eyes that wasn’t quite Aoki’s and wasn’t quite a look belonging to “Kamui.”   
  
“Yes,” she said.   
  
“I wonder,” he said, and said no more. He turned away, walking away from her. She thought that perhaps he was leaving, but instead he merely walked to the tree and leaned against it, crossing his arms in a way that wasn’t quite inviting but not uninviting either. He smiled at her.  
  
Her feet moved on her own accord, walking towards the wayward child. Walking towards Aoki.  
  
“I am not without regrets,” she said when she approached.  
  
He smiled.   
  
“… I know your wish,” Karen said, abruptly, after a long silence.  
  
He betrayed nothing on his face. He merely tilted his head towards her. Beckoned her to continue. Beckoned her closer. “Do you?”  
  
“I think I do,” she said, “Perhaps.”   
  
“I know your wish as well,” he said, and the smile softened, his gaze on her, his eyes fond. Then he said, quietly, his voice soft and not his own, “Karen-san.”   
  
She shivered, her eyes flying wide open. He continued to smile at her. Aoki. Aoki. Aoki.   
  
“I…” she began.   
  
She shook her head, had to look away. But her eyes found her way back to him. She took a step closer to him.  
  
“Is it a wish you want me to grant?” he asked.   
  
She stared at him. She thought back—on Kazuki, on Kamui, on the others. On the fallen buildings, the blood on his hands, the way he’d smiled that smile, gentle and kind, even as he took one life after another. The most important things—  
  
“No,” she said, feared what a wish granted would mean.   
  
She took a step back, and he captured her hand to keep her from leaving. How easy it would be, for her to break free, to push him away, to get away. But she stayed, staring at the hand holding hers. She couldn’t quite see it as “Kamui’s” hand.   
  
“What?” she asked.  
  
“The wishes I grant,” he said, as if bored, “are not the kind you need—I cannot sway hearts as readily as they need be, at times.”   
  
She stared at him. “I don’t—”  
  
“This,” he said, smiling that smile, already knowing she was trapped, “is as close to him as you’ll ever be.”  
  
And with that he lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Her heart thudded in her chest, and she tried to take her hand back—but she didn’t put any force behind it, and he held firm. Her hand shook, balled into a fist as if to punch him. He dropped his hand away, though, and her hand merely pressed against his chest.   
  
“Karen-san,” he added.  
  
She closed her eyes, and heard the soft lilt to his voice, the quiet breaths and the smile that saturated his voice. Aoki. Aoki. Aoki.   
  
“Don’t,” she whispered.  
  
“But it is your wish,” he said, as he collected her in his arms.


End file.
